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What's So Real About Reality TV?
What's So Real About Reality TV? But some are "personal growth" shows By David Leonhardt Those people who defend the intrusive presence of a television in private homes always seem to cite "educational value" as its redeeming grace. They mention...
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Balloon Animals
More then ever before, I have seen the rise in restaurants providing table side entertainment. While you wait to be seated, or for your meal to come, you can be entertained by a skilled magician or a fancy balloon animal.
This is wonderful. It...
ET Phone Home
Last week I felt like the mother in the commercial, where her
son shows her a good report card, and she starts to cry. My son
is growing up. He pulled up his grades. I wish he could do the
same for his pants, but one thing at a time.
We...
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The Daily Show is a Must See on Comedy Central
Doesn’t it seem that today there is nothing but bleak reports to hear on the news? Watching the news can give you a feeling that the world is coming to an end. Hope can be found on Comedy Central by means of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
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Why Testicles?
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Why Testicles? By John Sammon
There are certain parts of the human body I just can't figure
out.
For example, testicles, you know, the little round reproductive
spheres men have.
Why testicles?
What do they do?
If you're a woman, the best way I can describe it...it's like
having an octopus right under your male organ.
These things move and look, just like an octopus.
They are very loose and flexible, and like an octopus, they
float around. Some times they're in front of your closed legs,
sometimes behind. Sometimes, half in front, half in back.
You can take your hand and switch them, place them further
behind you, for example, as you lay in bed.
They hang down and trail behind you every where you go, bobbing
from side to side. It's like having an old worn-out catcher's
mitt down there. These things are very sensitive, and I rarely
enjoy reaching down and feeling them.
Perhaps I'm afraid that what I might feel, for some unexplained
reason, might not feel quite right. I just don't enjoy feeling
those, and most men are like me. It's kind of like the dark side
of the moon. You just don't go there.
Women, on the other hand, have everything neatly packed inside.
You have two of these balls, just like you mostly have two of
everything else. Two hands, two feet, two ears, two nipples, two
shoulders, two. Why always two?
But it's not always two of everything.
You've only got one chin. There are exceptions.
Because testicles are so sensitive, they make me cringe a lot
thinking of what could happen if....
For example if a mule kicked me there. Or somebody grabbed me
there with pliers.
Only men have these thoughts.
Another body part I can't figure out are eyebrows.
Two tiny strips of hair over your eyes?
If this was originally intended as shade on a hot day, we got
gypped.
Why eyebrows? And once again, like everything else, you've got
two. Do we need one extra as a backup?
If I shaved my eyebrows, I would look pretty strange. As if
having two narrow strips of hair over your eyes isn't strange?
Sometimes women paint fake eyebrows with paint on their
foreheads when they don't have enough hair.
Eyebrows have one solitary distinction. They are the only hair
located somewhere else other than your head that is considered
attractive (not counting beards and mustaches). Hair hanging out
your nose, hair on your ears, hair on your back, are all
considered gross.
Hair growing out of an ugly mole on your neck is the same.
Hair, to be desirable, is just like real estate. It's location,
location, location.
© Copyright 2004 by SammonSays.com
About the author:
John Sammon is the author of two books and writes a weekly humor
column you may access at Sammonsays.com.
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