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Friends -- With Benefits
We've all been there. That long, seemingly endless drought during which time you get no play. No action. No sweet lovin'. The dating life is mediocre, and you've got no prospects. But as we've proven time and time again, we're a resourceful bunch....
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Balloon Animals
More then ever before, I have seen the rise in restaurants providing table side entertainment. While you wait to be seated, or for your meal to come, you can be entertained by a skilled magician or a fancy balloon animal.
This is wonderful. It...
Hollywood Humor: Cary Grant's Muffins
In 1853 in Saratoga Springs, New York, American Indian Chef George Crum was preparing his specialty French fried potatoes in the upscale resort he was working at, when he received word that one of the patrons complained they were cut too thick. An...
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Five Minutes
Everyday. You're hunched at the computer, flicking the keys with the greatest of ease - or, like me, poking each stroke with the speed of a...umm...well, it DID rhyme! Everyday. You're mesmerized for hours by the wonders of Internet...
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YOUR HAIKU ERROR MESSAGES FOR THE DAY
PUBLISHING GUIDELINES. This article may be used in print or electronic publications. Publishers are requested to email the author (quippingqueen@yahoo.com) with a copy of the article reprinted in their publication, or a link back to the author's blog at (www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com).
WORD COUNT: 577
While many disparage the advent of glitches in our wired world, the only way to find solace and sanity is to return to the ancient teachings.
"Haiku", (a Japanese style of poetry), offers readers a way to experience the daily dilemmas of our digital community from a novel perspective.
So, for those of you who have no intention of going back in time or, unearthing the gold-leaf tomes in your basement, just tune in to the Happy Haiku Harridan for your daily dose of wonky wisdom.
Below are a few little gems by anonymous authors. I’ve also added a few of my own for good measure.
1. The Web site you seek cannot be located, but countless more exist.
2. Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.
3. Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much.
4. Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
5. Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.
6. Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone.
7. Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down.
8. A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.
9. Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred?
10. You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here.
11. Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, but we never will.
12. Having been erased, the document you're seeking must now be retyped.
13. Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared.
14. Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
15. Silence. A strangled modem forgets -- that it should blink.
16.
Behold the ego. It sits in glowing emptiness. Cursor be damned!
17. A dingbat flaps. Windows is crashing. Oh what a pity.
18. Dead PCs. Cube farms empty. Have you called 911 yet?
19. Morning spam. Harbinger of good and ill. "Norton" nixed them all!
20. He says a word. And I say a word. Upgrade chat to phrases.
21. Faceless 404 again. Lone pixel in the bit map. Welcome to 'Geekville'.
22. Oh the winds that blow - can you ask them - which file is next to go?
23. Alone, on the web. Where to now? Who moved my e-cheese?
24. A lightening flash across your screen. Windows closes. Dial 411 for Godot.
25. For love and for hate, I trap a bug. And offer it to Bill.
26. A golden bug. I hurl it into the darkness. Is "McAfee" working?
27. A dead Trojan Horse. And yet, isn’t there something remaining in it?
28. Adjust your browser. Sorry, settings are gone. Try another universe!
29. Darkened screens - become modern grapes of wrath - reaping bitter whine.
30. On my screen, the frigging fish tank. Is that Tony Tuna I see?
___________
NOTE: These one-line-wonders adhere to well-established politically-correct plain language policies, comply with all equal opportunity humor legislation, and subscribe to the “best practices” embodied in the Safe Chortling Code of Conduct for Geeks, Nerds, and Dweebs.
For more information on weatherpixies, please visit: www.weatherpixie.com. Installing atmospheric icons will ensure the safety of garden gnomes from the Norse God of Thunder a.k.a. 'Thor' -- "A Disaster Dude" if ever there was one ...known to fry computers and plants with alacrity and equanimity.
About the Author
Victoria Elizabeth, alias the "Happy Haiku Harridan", publishes musings about life's little oddities in her bodacious blog called, "The Quipping Queen" (www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com). In her "other life" she is a business development consultant...you know stuff like how to grow money trees with oodles low-hanging fruit.
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